The Gift of Desperation: Marc's Story

A story of redemption and restoration.

Entering rehab was the most difficult choice of my life. The problem with not being a stranger to the dark is you become a stranger to the light, God’s light. God used the International Network of Creatives to bring about a shift and to draw me closer to Him.

I had managed to disgust myself just as I had the rest of the world. Before the night would ignite the day, I needed to pray. It wasn’t a prayer fitting of a wordsmith. I didn’t recite scripture. I simply had one word to offer. “Help,” I offered. “Help me, God,” I continued. All I had for God was one single word. A word without creativity or authority. I simply managed – help. I stayed in bed with little hope, but God heard my one word.

A week after entering rehab, I met a man who would awaken a sleeping giant inside me. His name is Dr. William Barnett. Dr. Barnett’s vision is to empower people’s creativity and allow them to experience God through the arts. My creativity was not dead but very much dying. Any desire I had to tell a meaningful story was on life support until INC came that day. I was not initially interested at all.

I was among about 60 men who participated in worship, testimonies, and a series of creative rotational workshop/art therapy sessions. These interactive workshops, led by the INC team, included guitar, painting, drama, culinary arts, and, my favorite – creative writing. William’s non-traditional method of creative writing began with us listening to 5 different styles of music, creating an inspired sketch for each on five separate sheets of paper. These songs evoked emotion and contemplation, prompting us to draw what we saw or felt. We then extracted words from the art and used these words to create a poem, story, song, or prayer. After that, the creative juices began to flow freely, and the Light broke through.

Ever since I was a child, all I wanted to do was tell stories. Before I could read or write, I would dictate my masterpieces to my mother. I see in my mind clearly me telling her my adventures as she wrote at the dining room table. I watched her intently, and when her hand stopped, I asked her to read back to me what I had just said. My mother was hardly my mother in those moments. She worked for me and had a job to do. However, in my stupid mind, she was an utter failure. Mom was grammatically correcting my words. She was rearranging the things I said to make sense. To me, this was a complete violation of my story and creativity. I would throw a fit and demand she writes my words exactly as I said them.

I fired my mother on several occasions. Clearly, this is evidence that I was a Prima Donna right out of the womb. But wasn’t it General George S. Patton who said, “All successful commanders are Prima Donnas and should be so treated”? I was ahead of my time before kindergarten or my introduction to Pop Rocks. I suppose having a big ego is sort of a rite of passage for the artistic people. After all, who dares to think they have something to say that is so profound it can change hearts and enlighten minds? Probably no one more than the artists participating in Dr. Bill’s workshops shifted my resolve about being in rehab.

That tape of failures can make the days long and the nights longer. Barnett’s group taught me that even when we sing a broken “Hallelujah,” God still wants our song.

What changed? Why did I suddenly take an interest in INC’s workshops? The answer is simple. Bill believed in the power of a story. His batch of leaders and speakers reminded me that our gifts are part of God’s pleasure in us. This realization immediately bonded me to the gentleman stranger. In many regards, I am nothing but an egotistical and childish fool. I have been told on several occasions that my ego is the largest people have ever known. I find this hard to believe since I live in a constant state of turmoil. My thoughts and the voices in my head rarely rest. That tape of failures can make the days long and the nights longer. Barnett’s group taught me that even when we sing a broken “Hallelujah,” God still wants our song.

Now I have read all kinds of books about storytelling, from Peter Guber’s Tell To Win, which was excellent, to the dribble by the self-appointed guru of screenwriting, Robert McKee. Just reading his book entitled Story is enough to make you want to puke. The man teaches about film writing and has basically never sold the screenplay his entire life. Joe Eszterhas, writer of Jagged Edge, Basic Instinct, and Flashdance, is a man who can teach screenwriting.

Barnett did something that was uniquely and profoundly different. He would play music and ask us to write what the music inspired. This is something I had been doing all my life, but I had never had this introduced in a workshop. Bill wasn’t a simple-minded teacher of lectures. He was illuminating steps in my journey, as was his team.

This ministry takes people into deeper parts of their own being. Through the creative arts and writing classes, I was able to see myself and experience healing. I was able to express my feelings, dropping the cloak of shame. INC gave me a voice and hope as I journey through healing and my renewed relationship with Christ.

They say it not only takes a spark (or pyromaniac) to start a fire. Cue the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start the Fire” (not that the song fits, but it is fun, and the title does). Storytellers helped ignite in me a desire to tell stories; that ministry was my catalyst. At a roundtable, I felt myself come fully alive as I talked about writing and stories with a small group of men. Some of them thought they had no skill in telling stories, but they did. Often a person just needs help priming their pump.

What I was thankful for was the CPR I needed in recovery. For me to really change, I needed to submit 100% to the program. In other words, swallow the good with the bad, not just chew it like a cow and his cud. Bill helped balance what we were being fed.

INC created an environment where creativity thrives in freedom and love. I was smitten immediately when Dr. Bill and his group left that day. I went to my room; I wrote him a thank you note. I thanked him for his ministry and the men that joined him. But what I was thankful for was the CPR I needed in recovery. For me to really change, I needed to submit 100% to the program. In other words, swallow the good with the bad, not just chew it like a cow and his cud. Bill helped balance what we were being fed. The INC team did not speak from authority but from a place of God’s heart. They understood transformation comes from within and awakening our spirits as opposed to conformity to expectations, regulations, rules, and fear.

Marc von Wellsheim graduated from Regent University with a Master’s in Filmmaking, with a Concentration in Television and Film Writing. He is a past participant in INC’s Arts for Recovery program and the author of “If Rock Bottom Had A Basement,” which is available on Amazon.

The International Network of Creatives is a global non-profit faith-based in Southwest Florida that disciples creatives to reflect and proclaim Christ in their lives and work.

INC’s Arts for Recovery offers individuals a chance to tell their stories through creative arts, releasing deep hurts and reaching those often in their darkest hours. Through expressive art, music, prayer, and bible teaching, they find the Light of hope needed to overcome their challenges, scars, and brokenness.

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